6.07.2012

Big girl life, big girl decisions

Forewarning: this is a very "real" post and has been super hard to write & come to terms with....

As I write this my eyes are filled with tears as I try to navigate my first few months as a "big girl." But, the truth is that even though I am a college graduate with big plans for my future I am still so confused with where I want to be, what I want to do, and who I need to please. I feel like I am a young girl not knowing what decision I need to make.

I originally thought that I wanted to be in my home state of N.C., but after countless phone interviews, and long days of searching high and low for something in my field I have come up empty and exhausted. I spent countless hours going back and forth in my head with what I needed vs. what I wanted. What was right vs. what was wrong. What I should have vs. what I deserve...and so on. I finally decided that since I wasn't having much success with my limited area that I wanted to be in that I should expand that area.

For those of you who have followed me for a while you know that I am extremely passionate in almost everything in my life, including what I want to do for the rest of my life- Public Relations and/or Event Planning. I want to do those things so bad it hurts. So, keeping in track with my career aspirations I decided I had to do what's right for me. No matter who or what it affected. 

I am young. I have aspirations. I have dreams. I have goals. Now is the time for me to achieve those things. I can't always live in a big city or have my "dream job." But, right now I can do that... and I should do that.

And that is when I decided I needed to stop limiting myself to N.C. So, I began casually looking for jobs all over the place... D.C., Florida, NYC, California... everywhere that might have what I'm looking for.... and what happened?? I get a few leads. I researched companies and jobs and happened upon some things that made me happy (and excited!!!)

I am a very honest person. I had thought about keeping all this to myself. But, honestly, big stuff like this is hard to keep secret. I decided to share it. My parents are thrilled and know there is a whole world at my feet just waiting for me to explore it, while my boyfriend wants the best for me- but is tired of long distance and wants to be together......

So friends... life with Emily isn't always easy... ever. I try to stay positive on my blog, but in all honesty life isn't all wonderful all the time. Life is full of ups/downs, changes and decisions that we may not know the answer to....and that is where I am right now.

I would like to thank all of my readers for allowing me to be me through the good and the bad, happy and sad... and confused! xoxo


31 comments:

  1. Aw lady that's a tough life decision you have there. Sometimes, when I don't know what to do, I take a step back and try not to think about it. Sometimes just by doing that, the answer just comes to me or the world points me in the right direction. I know you'll figure it out but I'll be sending you positive thoughts in the meantime with hopes that it will all pan out.

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  2. i totally agree with you, life is full of ups and downs. i will probably be in the same situation as you in a year, so i don't really know if anything i say will help, but i sincerely hope that everything works out for you and that whatever you decide to do makes you happy. good luck! :)

    <3, Mimi
    http://whatmimiwrites.blogspot.com/
    $100 Shopbop Gift Card Giveaway -- Open internationally!

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  3. I know it might be hard to understand right now but you need to do what is right for you. If being in the same city with your boyfriend is going to limit your career opportunities/possibilities then it has to be put on hold. I know this is the most cliche thing ever but if it is meant to be it will be. And if he wants to walk away because he can't do an LDR anymore they you have got to let him. I know it won't be easy but it will give you a chance to explore your new city, job opportunity, and start a new life. You never know what the future holds. Best of luck in your job search and future. Just trust that you know what is best for yourself. Stay positive!

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  4. Your love will find a way. Whether that be the love you and your boyfriend share, or the love you have for your career. Love will find a way, it always does.

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  5. You're right, life IS full of ups and downs so don't worry about sharing things like this on the blog! I want to hear when my friends are struggling so that I can support them and encourage them! Even though it's not ideal, a long distance relationship isn't impossible. It sucks, but it's only temporary. Whatever you decide, I know you'll be great!

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  6. I know exactly what you are going through. I know this may sound harsh or "mean" but you have your WHOLE life to love and be with someone but you have "right now" for your career and what is best for you. Never put your life on hold for anyone. Trust me... I know! I didn't go to a certain college for someone and I very much regret that decision. Who is to say he couldn't move there with you? I don't know ya'lls relationship but I am sure he wants what is best for you. Good luck girly! Growing up can sometimes not be "so fun"!

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  7. I love your blog but never comment, however, I had to on this post as I have been in your shoes!! I was a fresh-out-of-college PR grad 6 years ago. I had the choice of moving home to Atlanta and starting my job search, or moving to NYC for the job of my dreams. I turned down that dream job in NYC and moved home to Atlanta because my boyfriend of 4 years was there, and he too was tired of the LDR. Long story short, 3 months after moving home to Atlanta I was single and devastated, not just because the relationship with my boyfriend ended, but because I had made life-altering career decisions... For a guy. I had become "that girl." The choices I made changed me. If I have learned anything, it is that this time in your life is pivotal. Put yourself first. If your relationship is meant to be, it will. Just as your boyfriend may be your future, your career absolutely is. I wish you the best!

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  8. Love your honesty, it just makes you that much more real! I can't say whether you should move or stay closer to your bf, but I think in time the right opportunity will present itself. Maybe you should keep searching for things closer to home. You never know what might pop up!

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  9. I know this is such a tough decision. About this time 3 years ago, I was in the same situation. My final decision was based on friends, family, and my comfort zone. Even though I moved to a bigger city and only an hour away from home, I wish I would have moved to the "city" Now I realize that if I was going to do something like that, then was the time. Lots of prayers and faith will bring you to the decision that God has planned for you. Good luck!

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  10. Don't you worry your pretty little self. It's not all sunshine and rainbows in blogging worlds. I always find it really hard and vulnerable sharing posts like this, so I appreciate that you shared. I'm hoping that everything works out as it's supposed to!

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  11. That is a really tough spot to be in. I wouldn't assume to know enough to give any real advice other than follow your gut.

    I made some pretty important decisions based on a boyfriend once, I would have been just a couple of years younger than you are now, and I wish I hadn't. I thought we were heading toward marriage but it ended. I'm not complaining about where I am, but there are some things I wish I had done differently back then.

    So don't worry about your heart or your head, stick with your gut. Even when I was making those decisions I think my gut would have sent me a different way.

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  12. I've been thinking about how to write a post about the "in between" on my blog too. Obviously, so many people can relate to you! What I've been neglecting is spending more time in prayer and quiet listening to God. I have a similar situation, with my boyfriend wanting me to move back to Greenville where he is still in school. So far, I haven't found a job here in Raleigh, but Greenville's not looking as easy as I thought it would be to get a job either. I wish you the best, and I know that everything will be okay. God always surprises me - around every corner - and I know we're both about to turn another corner.

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  13. Coming from a girl who put a guy before herself for four years... Follow YOUR HEART! you only get one heart and one chance to do what you want so as much as it may hurt you have to do whats best for YOU, and if you and hunter are meant to be it will work itself out someway..somehow! I gave up my chances and am
    Now making up for it! I give you credit for this post! I know it probably wasn't easy to type but the first step is the hardest!

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  14. It took me a year to find a job in my field [accounting.. who would have thought that it would be hard to find a job doing that?]. All I can say is keep your mind and heart open to what God has in store for you. I would have choosen Shawn over and over again.. always. It is a rough economy and it's hard for everyone everywhere... what is even HARDER is finding an amazing man who will put up with all your BS (haha). If you feel like God is leading you elsewhere then you need to go.. but don't go out of fear that things aren't happening for you or never will. They will. Patience is a virtue.

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  15. I feel you! I (luckily) have one more semester until I'm a "big girl", but even though it's a few months away... the very idea is stressful at times.

    I too am interested in PR/event planning... I'm an ad major! So, I look forward to seeing where you end up. Good luck!

    xo
    KD

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  16. You are in a tought spot!! Any chance the boy can come with??

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  17. What a great post! Having just moved away from home within the past month to start my new big girl job I completely know what your going through and how terrifying it can be. I think ultimately the decision is up to you and if you listen to your instincts, you'll end up where your supposed to be- maybe in NC or maybe somewhere else! Keep your head up and stay positive- everything happens for a reason!

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  18. It's literally impossible to be prepared for how much graduating turns your life upside down. I remember exactly how unsure it made me of everything in my life. But you've got to think about what life would be like if you chose to move to Charlotte for Hunter. If you just take whatever job comes along to be close to him, and it's not what you really want, the unhappiness in your job will bleed into your relationship and taint that too. You're too young to give up your dreams.

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  19. I am in the same boat. I am a pleaser and have always been. It is coming to the point were I need to start making decisions on my own regardless what people say. Being engaged the only person who matters is my fiancé. I am sharing my fears and worries with him and it makes it so much better.

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  20. emily,

    as a girl who put her boyfriend ahead of her dreams for far too long, my advice is to think of YOU. if your boy truly loves you, he will want you to be happy and thrive wherever you will go. good luck figuring things out, we are here for you and can't wait to see where life takes you! xoxo

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  21. I totally feel you! I'm at such a crossroads in my life too. My boyfriend and I are both looking for jobs in NYC but so far we don't have a set plan yet. I actually just graduated from Elon in NC so I know what you mean about struggling to find an opportunity there. I majored in PR too and there really weren't many PR/event planning opportunities there that interested me, thus why I moved back home to PA after graduation.

    Is there any way your boyfriend would move with you? It could be such a great experience to be in a big city with the man you love. At least that's what I'm hoping it will be like with my guy. If you have any questions about NYC let me know! That's where my sights are set!

    Good luck!

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  22. First time stopping in the blog!! I love your honest post. It's a decision that a lot of people have to make! I have to say that you should do what you want career wise...you may regret it when it's too late! If your boyfriend can move with you....that would be icing on the cake. Everything happens for a reason!!

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  23. I read your blog but this is my first time commenting and I just had to for this. I hate to play this card, but a recent college grad is SO YOUNG!!! You have plenty of time for boyfriends . . . go after the career! Also, it's not one or the other. Even if he is sick of long distance (and I don't blame him for that), if it's meant to be it will still be. Good luck with all your decisions!

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  24. Honesty & Sincerity is what attracts me to blogs most of all...the hard decisions always show the heart of the blogger! Most important right now in your life is that you stay true to you! Praying you make the best decision for you!!
    xoxo,
    Charity

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  25. It's amazing where life brings you, so many crossroads, so many beautiful blessings, so many heart-aches and so so many decisions. My number one advise: PRAY. No matter what I've faced in my life decisions, he's never left me high and dry. Even when I thought life had taken a turn for the worst or there was no "good" decision, He surprised me in those magnificent ways...and they weren't ever easy. So all that to say, trust Jesus and thanks for sharing!

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  26. OMG this makes me feel so much better ! i just graduated college and I feel so stressed out too! i want to get out of my dinky town in tx but i feel bad moving far away/im so overwhelmed trying to find a job. i wish you luck making your decision:)

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  27. I love this post and was immediately taken back to just 4 years ago when I was graduating and had no idea where and what I wanted to do. Thankfully after two jobs and career changes, I finally found what fit me. I know that it will be the same for you! Keep your head up and follow your heart-that instinct will come.

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  28. Emily, you have a bright future ahead of you ! Keep you head up. Life has its ups and downs. Life is also about taking chances and living each day to the fullest. I say to take a big leap of faith! Your family and friends sound amazing and supportive to whatever you decided to do!!

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  29. Oh girl, this is so tough. You are young and have the whole world at your fingertips. I am almost 32 and never ever knew what I wanted to 'be' when I grew up. My little sister always knew that she wanted to be a teacher as long as she was alive. She is 28 and has been teaching since college. I was just never that way. As I have gotten older, I have learned that my passion is fashion and now I so wish that I would have figured that out earlier in life. There is no way that I can go to school now for a fashion degree or get a job as an intern, etc. I have a husband and two little boys that are my world but now my newly realized dream of fashion is just that...a dream. I use my blog as a way of expressing my love for fashion and that is good enough for me for now. All I'm trying to say is that you should totally go for your dreams while you are young. Before you make commitments in marriage, kids, etc. I think that once you figure out your career path, you can still have a family. Anyway, they say hindsight is always 20/20 so that is just my input. :)

    Amy

    fashionandbeautyfinds.blogspot.com

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  30. As hard as it may be - you deserve to follow your dreams wherever they may lead you.
    You never want to look back on your life and wonder "what if" or question the possibilities you may have missed out on.
    I've only just found your blog but love your open and honest approach. I look forward to hearing more about where your search takes you!

    xo Georgina

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  31. Hi there Instagram friend! haha :) I am just now seeing this post, and I'm so sorry you're feeling sad. I think the most important thing is to make sure your boyfriend is on board with your decision. If you plan to marry him and have the intention of marrying, then include him in on your decision. If he is supportive he will understand that you need to do this for yourself, and hopefully things will progress from there. Keep your head up! :)

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